Happy Birthday my baby!

8 years ago today it was the day after Thanksgiving, we had just had a snow storm and I was enjoying looking at my new little girl. I remember thinking when she was born that she looked just like a little old man. I also remember looking at her and thinking she was going to be a special little girl. I also had a feeling that she wasn't going to be here for very long. I have no idea what made me think that or how prophetic that feeling was. I just never wanted to let her go. I wanted to hold her forever because it was the only way I knew I could keep her safe.

I felt guilty for a long time because I looked at that beautiful little girl and had such bad thoughts. When she was 2 weeks old she got Pink Eye. I should have known then that she was going to be a handful. Have you ever tried to pry open a newborn's puffy little eyes to get goop in them? It is not an easy chore. You go through life wanting to keep your children safe. Bad things happen to other people. Never to you or your children.

Jaime broke both bones in her lower leg when she was 17 months old. At that time I thought back to that feeling I had when she was born and thought that would be it. That was the bad thing I felt would happen. Jaime would heal and that would be the end of it.

5 months later we were all on top of the world. Jaime had just learned to walk for the 2nd time after finally getting her cast off. My sister had just given birth to her own beautiful baby girl the week before. I was even excited about getting a root canal! Jaime had a Dr appt coming up and we weren't all that worried about it. We were concerned but not too concerned.

We had previously brought up concern for her big belly to Drs before. We were always told "it's normal for babies to have Buddha bellies". it got to the point that we were a little more worried about it. We took her to her regular Dr who thought it might be an abdominal hernia. he referred us to a Surgeon. 3 weeks later we went and saw that Dr. He thought it could be a weak abdominal wall. He referred us to a Pediatric Surgeon. At that point we really started to get concerned since we weren't getting any answers. That was the longest 4 weeks of my life waiting for that appointment.

The day we saw the Ped. Surgeon we were hopeful. We wanted some answers. Never in our wildest dreams did we even think it could be Cancer. cancer was something that happened to adults. Not my little girl. The day we found out was something I will never forget. The Surgeon took one look at her and said we need to find out what this is. I think he knew as soon as he saw her. I thought the 4 weeks up to that day was long. It wasn't as long as the 2 hours we had to wait after we had the CT scan until the Dr came down and talked to us. I was frustrated from being made to wait and couldn't understand WHY we were waiting for so long. He was getting everything set up for us so we wouldn't have to wait after he told us.

The dr came back to us with a nurse and asked if the nurse could take Amelia who had come with us as well, to a play room. While we had been waiting I had called my mom to pick Paige up at school. I remember when the nurse took Amelia out of the room that I started shaking internally. I felt like I couldn't take a breath. He told us she had Cancer but wasn't certain what kind. Then he told us that he had the surgery already scheduled for Wednesday (that was a monday) but we would have to go to the Children's Hospital in Minneapolis since the St. Paul hospital didn't have enough Oncologists on staff at the time. But the kicker was we had 2 hours to get to Minneapolis or he was going to send the police to find us. Her tumor was so large that she could have bumped into a table corner and burst it open.

Thankfully we didn't have time to dwell on the fact Jaime had Cancer before they did the surgery to remove it and her kidney. We've also been blessed because they didn't know which of 2 cancers she had until they removed it. One choice was a cancer that was not usually curable, the other choice was one of the most curable. She was lucky it was the 2nd. We went through 6 months of treatment, 6 radiation treatments. She is one of the lucky ones and is cured.

She is now dealing with an ovarian cyst that is the size of a golf ball. This is her 3rd large cyst. But she is a rockstar and you would never know. When people find out their first question is always "Is she in pain?". I can't answer that and I don't think she could either. Although she would say no. I think she has grown up in pain (you can't tell me a 7 pound tumor growing out of your kidney doesn't hurt. They removed it and she lost a quarter of her total weight!) and doesn't know that it isn't normal. For that she is my hero.

She is now a typical 8 year old little girl. She has her ups and downs and does her fare share of annoying her sisters. She has a spark in her eyes that doesn't quit. If you ask her she will show you the scar that goes halfway across her belly. She will show you the scar where her port was and tell you that is where she got her medicine. And she will show you and let you feel the implant that is under the skin of her inner bicep that is keeping more ovarian cysts from growing.

I look at her now and don't get the feeling that she won't be around like I did when she was born. I look at her and see the future. I look at her and am humbled by her mind, by the views she has on death and life and even God. I see in her a very old soul that has been around the block more then her fare share and I admire her for that. She is in 2nd grade and has the reading level of a 6th grader.

All parents hope their children grow up to be better people then them. I don't have to with her. I already know. I strive, every day, to be as open, caring, helpful and considerate as she already is.

Happy Birthday Jaime Lou. I love you more then you will ever know.

It's Monday...no, it's Thursday

For me it's Monday but for the rest of the world it's Thursday. I am sitting here watching hockey, Wild vs. Canucks!! I absolutely LOVE hockey. I have only missed watching 1 game this season because I had to work. Sadly I will more then likely miss the game this Saturday as well. Everyone pray for a slow night so I don't have to stay until 9! All I want for Christmas is a Wild Jersey!

I just realized it had been a week since my last blog entry. I am a little annoyed and going to vent for a second. John and the 2 younger girls wet down to Florida from the 13th to the 18th. It was a school field trip to watch the last night time shuttle launch to space. Seeing as they go to an Aerospace Magnate school it is pretty fitting yes? Well apparently our Principal's boss doesn't think so and the principal's job is on the line. He was told that this was the "most frivolous trip he has ever done".

Can someone explain to me how witnessing, IN PERSON, a shuttle launch is frivolous and not educational seeing as they go to an aerospace school? They witnessed history! It was the last night time launch they will do. One of the astronauts that went up is from St. Paul and has been to the girls school many times as well as many other astronauts. She even got them tickets to the closer observation area which is only 7 miles from the launch pad. They went to a bunch of different museums, a planetarium, the aerospace hall of fame. How is that all frivolous??

Why do they want to take a job away from a man who wants nothing more then to give the kids in his care the best possible education he can. He has made that school one of the best in the district. Every year his school's test scores continue to go up instead of down. So what if he always wants to do things that other schools don't. So what if he always wants more. When the school board sees him coming they cringe wondering what he is going to ask for next. I wish MORE principals were like him. Amelia came home from this trip and said she has decided she wants to be a mechanical engineer. How could a trip that gets my bohemian little girl to decide THAT is what she wants to do be "frivolous"??? Jackasses!!!!

Ok trying to get this finished up before the 2nd period starts...

While having half my family gone on this trip I realized just how grown my kids are getting and how safe my husband makes me feel. I missed my kids something fierce, but then I didn't at the same time. I think I needed the break from always being the mom ya know? Paige was here with me but she is old enough that she doesn't depend on me for the things the other two do. I was getting so wrapped up in being their mom, having them gone made me realize I am my own person too.

There was one night that Paige spent the night at a friend's. I am almost 3*cough*4 and that was the first night in my life that I had spent all by myself with no one else in the house. It was a big accomplishment for me. I was very tempted (and invited) to spend the night at my friend's house. But it was important to me to do it on my own. Not something I want to do regularly though lol. But I made it through and did actually sleep. I also became aware of how secure John makes me feel. Even when he isn't physically here. I know that if I need him all I have to do is call him and he will do whatever he can. But it's different when he's on the other side of the country. I didn't feel like I could take a deep breath until I saw him again. It wasn't that I needed him to do things for me. I just needed him. So this trip was not only a learning experience for John and the girls but for me as well.

Kimber and Berleen have both given me an award last week. As soon as I figure out how to get them over there on the side I will. Thanks you guys!!

Now period 2 is starting so I am going back to watching my Hockey!

Thursday Thunks

1. Have you ever pooped in the woods?

Not pooped, no. I have a thing about pooping out of my house.

2. You are starving. You have not had anything to eat for days. In front of you is poison ivy, a live hissing cockroach, and a rotten stinky piece of some sort of mystery meat to eat. Which would you pick and why?

I would continue to starve. If you follow my blogs you will know I don't like eating green things, so the poison ivy and rotten, stinky mystery meat is out. As for the hissing cockroach, if my food talks back to me, then it will not become "my food".

3. Bottled or Tap water?

I dislike water. If I have to drink it it usually is tap water. Unless it is flavored bottled water. But only if it is cold. I can't drink water if it is room temperature.

4. Your dream job, what would it be and why?

Anything I can do from the comfort of my home would be good. Writing would be good. I use to write a lot when I was in school. But I never let anyone read what I wrote. I have a major fear of rejection.

5. Do you have any snow globes?

I have 3 or 4 Christmas snow globes. I seem to be starting a collection of them.

6. Do you like your bed? If not, what kind of bed do you want?

For the most part I do. We have a Sleep Number Bed with an adjustable base (like a hospital bed). Unfortunately at the moment we can't get our controller to work so can't adjust the firmness at all. The one thing I don't like is it is too small. We used to have a king size sleep number bed. But when Jaime was little she took to crawling in bed with us at night. It got to the point that we wouldn't even know it. We'd wake up and there she would be between us. So we decided to end that we would get a smaller bed. Now I want my bigger bed back. I am tired of getting an elbow in my face at night.

Remember to check back throughout the day to see who all has played and go and see how they answered these off the wall Thursday Thunk questions! Be nice... let them know you stopped by.

Go play! Now!

Thursday Thunks

This week we will answer some unusual questions, brought to you by Berleen, the color red and the number 1,908.

1. The election is over... what do you think?

I am not sure what I think. I just hope that there is follow through with what's been said.

2. Tell us about a snowman.

One winter at our old house John, Paige and Amelia made a snow family. Jaime was still a baby so there was even a little snowbaby which was the cutest thing. I never got to take pictures of it because within hours someone smashed them all.

3. What brand of ketchup do you buy?

It has to be Heinz.

4. Do you use a cookbook?

Depends on what I am making. My mom made my sister and I each a cookbook with all our favorite recipes in it when we moved out. I use that one more then anything.

5. Do you blow-dry your hair or let it air dry?

Air dry. If I blow dry it it gets even poofier then normal.

6. When was the last time you were sick?

I had a horrendous sinus infection last winter/spring.

7. What is the strangest letter of the alphabet?

K-it just seems like a hard letter to me. All the rest seem softer.

8. Who was the last person you bought a present for? What was it? Will you buy me one?

My 6 year old niece Natalie last month. It was her birthday. I don't remember what we got her other then an ourfit. Oh it was a movie too. High School Musical. I will buy you one when you buy me one!

9. Why are we ending at 9 questions?

You are exercising your creative license.

Go Play! Now!

Sunday Stealing

Sunday Stealing-The McDanger Meme

What are your nicknames?
Jen, Dear, Fluffers, Jenni-Beth, Nenners, Duffy, Mom, Momma, Sissy.

What TV gameshow or reality show would you like to be on?
Gameshow would be Wheel Of Fortune. Reality Show would be Amaizing Race.

What was the first movie you bought in VHS or DVD?
The first movie we bought when we had our first VCR (which was a Beta by the way) was Footloose. My mom had to actually buy a 2nd copy because we wore out the first. The first DVD John and I bought was Antz for Paige. Consequently that was the first DVD to be ruined and we have yet to replace it.

What is your favorite scent?
Depends what you are talking about. Candles, air freshener, perfume, fridge smell. What?...In general I like spicy scents and the smell of clean laundry.

If you had one million dollars to spend only on yourself, what would you spend it on?
I'd buy my house so I could sleep at night.

What is one place you've visited, can't forget and want to go back to?
Lake Louise in Canada.

Do you trust easily?
Not really.

Do you generally think before you act, or act before you think?
I generally act before I think and then can't stop thinking about what I said/did. Usually wind up regretting I said/did anything which is probably one reason why I never say much of anything lol.

Is there anything that has made you unhappy these days?
The fact that we still need a good chunk of money to buy this house and don't know if we are going to be able to get it so we will probably have to move again.

Do you have a good body image?
For the most part I do. Depends on what I am doing. If I am shopping for clothes then no I don't lol.

What is your favorite fruit?
Oranges

What websites do you visit daily?
The Front Porch
Insanity Cafe
Local News
Facebook
Kimber's Blog
Berleen's Blog
Pogo

What have you been seriously addicted to lately?
Dope Wars on Facebook and Smarties.

What's the last song that got stuck in your head?
I believe it was the iCarly theme song.

What is your favorite thing to wear?
jeans

Do you think Rice Krispies are yummy?
Absosmurfly!!

What would you do if you saw $100 lying on the ground?
I would be the person who would walk right past it never having noticed it was there.

What items couldn't you go without during the day?
Coke (the Soda not the other lol), Chapstick, a pillow.

What should you be doing right now?
Cleaning my bathrooms, doing laundry, eating.