Just doing my job

I have always told my girls that it is not my job to make them like me. It is my job to prepare them to be the best adults they could be. Having my oldest go away to college has been a bittersweet thing. We were just getting into a very nice place in our relationship. And she was leaving.

To say I don't deal well with change is a gross understatement. I was excited for her to start the next chapter of her life. To continue to grow into the wonderful lady I can see her becoming. To learn the things that only she can learn on her own. But on the other hand, this is my baby that has been a part of my daily life for half my life.

Her absence has knocked me off kilter a little bit. Now I am learning a new way of life. I get a flutter in my heart whenever she calls me and (thanks to the wonders of technology) I see her face on my phone. When I see in my Facebook notifications that she has posted something or replied to something, it is always the first thing I click on. Just to feel that tiny connection with her for just that tiny moment in time. It always puts a smile on my face when I pick up my phone and hear "Hey Momma!".

But on the other side I am learning more about Amelia and Jaime as well. And I am really falling in love with my children all over again. All 3 of them.

How Long Has It Been???

Umm...Yeah hi. I am a little ashamed that it has been 3 years since I last posted. I was Googling something today for my daughter and thought that I should put what I was looking for here so she could see it easier. Since she is away at college and all. So she is having a bad day today and I was looking up links to help lift her spirits a little. Here is some of them I have found so far:

How to Cheer Up.

how-to-be-an-optimist-in-10-easy-steps

101 Ways to Cheer Yourself Up

25 Instant Mood Lifters

So wanna know what is going on in my head?? You asked for it....

Do I really want to make Loaded Baked Potato Soup for dinner or is it that I really don't want to go to the grocery store to get the ingredients?

This pimple in my ear lobe really hurts.

Must remember to put money in Paige's account so she can get gas to get home on Friday.

I wonder if Jaime took a shower last night...shoot! I need to get her new shoes tomorrow.

When is my (*YGHVUI()^$BNM& Hockey going to start?!

All that is pretty much what went through my head in about a 2 minute span.

So hopefully now that I have this page saved on my new(er) laptop I won't forget about it again. I think having 1 child start college, 1 child start high school and 1 child in her last year of elementary school might make for an interesting year.

Thursday Thunks

1. Whats the coldest temps you've experienced?
I live in Minnesota, it's January. I don't think I can remember an exact temp.

2. Whats for dinner tonight?
Maybe the tacos I didn't make last night because SOMEONE ate all the cheese and I didn't feel like going back to the grocery store where I had just come from.

3. Would you consider this job in Australia?
Yes I would.

4. What was your favorite subject in high school?
Jewelery Making

5. How many hours a day is your tv on?
Depends on what day it is and who is home.

6. Have you ever received an award?
In 5th grade at Girl Scout Camp I got the Best Fire Blower award.

7. Whats your mousepad look like?
It kind of looks like a couch cushion...oh wait, it is my couch cushion.

8. Do you think Bud should do the Thursday Thunk meme?
Absosmurfly!

9. How many browser tabs do you have open right now?
6

10. If you are a parent, have you or did you ever put Vicks VapoRub on your children under the age of 2?
I don't remember. I just let my kids suffer.

11. If you had to pick one insect to infest your house for 1 day and after that day they would just suddenly vanish, which insect infestation would you pick?
the stinky bugs we can't figure out what they are.

12. What color is your underwear that you are wearing right at this moment?
White with pastely colored flowers...and then I also have black long underwear on too.

13. What was the last think you watched on tv?
Parking Wars last night.

14. What are your plans for the 4th of July this year?
I'm just trying to get through this WEEK!

15. Tell us about one absolutely wonderful thing that happened to you as a teenager and every time you think of it, it brings a smile to your face.
The fact that every time I got in John's truck his seat belt would goose me.

16. What product could you sell someone based on your love for it?
Anything Pampered Chef.

Happy Birthday my baby!

8 years ago today it was the day after Thanksgiving, we had just had a snow storm and I was enjoying looking at my new little girl. I remember thinking when she was born that she looked just like a little old man. I also remember looking at her and thinking she was going to be a special little girl. I also had a feeling that she wasn't going to be here for very long. I have no idea what made me think that or how prophetic that feeling was. I just never wanted to let her go. I wanted to hold her forever because it was the only way I knew I could keep her safe.

I felt guilty for a long time because I looked at that beautiful little girl and had such bad thoughts. When she was 2 weeks old she got Pink Eye. I should have known then that she was going to be a handful. Have you ever tried to pry open a newborn's puffy little eyes to get goop in them? It is not an easy chore. You go through life wanting to keep your children safe. Bad things happen to other people. Never to you or your children.

Jaime broke both bones in her lower leg when she was 17 months old. At that time I thought back to that feeling I had when she was born and thought that would be it. That was the bad thing I felt would happen. Jaime would heal and that would be the end of it.

5 months later we were all on top of the world. Jaime had just learned to walk for the 2nd time after finally getting her cast off. My sister had just given birth to her own beautiful baby girl the week before. I was even excited about getting a root canal! Jaime had a Dr appt coming up and we weren't all that worried about it. We were concerned but not too concerned.

We had previously brought up concern for her big belly to Drs before. We were always told "it's normal for babies to have Buddha bellies". it got to the point that we were a little more worried about it. We took her to her regular Dr who thought it might be an abdominal hernia. he referred us to a Surgeon. 3 weeks later we went and saw that Dr. He thought it could be a weak abdominal wall. He referred us to a Pediatric Surgeon. At that point we really started to get concerned since we weren't getting any answers. That was the longest 4 weeks of my life waiting for that appointment.

The day we saw the Ped. Surgeon we were hopeful. We wanted some answers. Never in our wildest dreams did we even think it could be Cancer. cancer was something that happened to adults. Not my little girl. The day we found out was something I will never forget. The Surgeon took one look at her and said we need to find out what this is. I think he knew as soon as he saw her. I thought the 4 weeks up to that day was long. It wasn't as long as the 2 hours we had to wait after we had the CT scan until the Dr came down and talked to us. I was frustrated from being made to wait and couldn't understand WHY we were waiting for so long. He was getting everything set up for us so we wouldn't have to wait after he told us.

The dr came back to us with a nurse and asked if the nurse could take Amelia who had come with us as well, to a play room. While we had been waiting I had called my mom to pick Paige up at school. I remember when the nurse took Amelia out of the room that I started shaking internally. I felt like I couldn't take a breath. He told us she had Cancer but wasn't certain what kind. Then he told us that he had the surgery already scheduled for Wednesday (that was a monday) but we would have to go to the Children's Hospital in Minneapolis since the St. Paul hospital didn't have enough Oncologists on staff at the time. But the kicker was we had 2 hours to get to Minneapolis or he was going to send the police to find us. Her tumor was so large that she could have bumped into a table corner and burst it open.

Thankfully we didn't have time to dwell on the fact Jaime had Cancer before they did the surgery to remove it and her kidney. We've also been blessed because they didn't know which of 2 cancers she had until they removed it. One choice was a cancer that was not usually curable, the other choice was one of the most curable. She was lucky it was the 2nd. We went through 6 months of treatment, 6 radiation treatments. She is one of the lucky ones and is cured.

She is now dealing with an ovarian cyst that is the size of a golf ball. This is her 3rd large cyst. But she is a rockstar and you would never know. When people find out their first question is always "Is she in pain?". I can't answer that and I don't think she could either. Although she would say no. I think she has grown up in pain (you can't tell me a 7 pound tumor growing out of your kidney doesn't hurt. They removed it and she lost a quarter of her total weight!) and doesn't know that it isn't normal. For that she is my hero.

She is now a typical 8 year old little girl. She has her ups and downs and does her fare share of annoying her sisters. She has a spark in her eyes that doesn't quit. If you ask her she will show you the scar that goes halfway across her belly. She will show you the scar where her port was and tell you that is where she got her medicine. And she will show you and let you feel the implant that is under the skin of her inner bicep that is keeping more ovarian cysts from growing.

I look at her now and don't get the feeling that she won't be around like I did when she was born. I look at her and see the future. I look at her and am humbled by her mind, by the views she has on death and life and even God. I see in her a very old soul that has been around the block more then her fare share and I admire her for that. She is in 2nd grade and has the reading level of a 6th grader.

All parents hope their children grow up to be better people then them. I don't have to with her. I already know. I strive, every day, to be as open, caring, helpful and considerate as she already is.

Happy Birthday Jaime Lou. I love you more then you will ever know.

It's Monday...no, it's Thursday

For me it's Monday but for the rest of the world it's Thursday. I am sitting here watching hockey, Wild vs. Canucks!! I absolutely LOVE hockey. I have only missed watching 1 game this season because I had to work. Sadly I will more then likely miss the game this Saturday as well. Everyone pray for a slow night so I don't have to stay until 9! All I want for Christmas is a Wild Jersey!

I just realized it had been a week since my last blog entry. I am a little annoyed and going to vent for a second. John and the 2 younger girls wet down to Florida from the 13th to the 18th. It was a school field trip to watch the last night time shuttle launch to space. Seeing as they go to an Aerospace Magnate school it is pretty fitting yes? Well apparently our Principal's boss doesn't think so and the principal's job is on the line. He was told that this was the "most frivolous trip he has ever done".

Can someone explain to me how witnessing, IN PERSON, a shuttle launch is frivolous and not educational seeing as they go to an aerospace school? They witnessed history! It was the last night time launch they will do. One of the astronauts that went up is from St. Paul and has been to the girls school many times as well as many other astronauts. She even got them tickets to the closer observation area which is only 7 miles from the launch pad. They went to a bunch of different museums, a planetarium, the aerospace hall of fame. How is that all frivolous??

Why do they want to take a job away from a man who wants nothing more then to give the kids in his care the best possible education he can. He has made that school one of the best in the district. Every year his school's test scores continue to go up instead of down. So what if he always wants to do things that other schools don't. So what if he always wants more. When the school board sees him coming they cringe wondering what he is going to ask for next. I wish MORE principals were like him. Amelia came home from this trip and said she has decided she wants to be a mechanical engineer. How could a trip that gets my bohemian little girl to decide THAT is what she wants to do be "frivolous"??? Jackasses!!!!

Ok trying to get this finished up before the 2nd period starts...

While having half my family gone on this trip I realized just how grown my kids are getting and how safe my husband makes me feel. I missed my kids something fierce, but then I didn't at the same time. I think I needed the break from always being the mom ya know? Paige was here with me but she is old enough that she doesn't depend on me for the things the other two do. I was getting so wrapped up in being their mom, having them gone made me realize I am my own person too.

There was one night that Paige spent the night at a friend's. I am almost 3*cough*4 and that was the first night in my life that I had spent all by myself with no one else in the house. It was a big accomplishment for me. I was very tempted (and invited) to spend the night at my friend's house. But it was important to me to do it on my own. Not something I want to do regularly though lol. But I made it through and did actually sleep. I also became aware of how secure John makes me feel. Even when he isn't physically here. I know that if I need him all I have to do is call him and he will do whatever he can. But it's different when he's on the other side of the country. I didn't feel like I could take a deep breath until I saw him again. It wasn't that I needed him to do things for me. I just needed him. So this trip was not only a learning experience for John and the girls but for me as well.

Kimber and Berleen have both given me an award last week. As soon as I figure out how to get them over there on the side I will. Thanks you guys!!

Now period 2 is starting so I am going back to watching my Hockey!

Thursday Thunks

1. Have you ever pooped in the woods?

Not pooped, no. I have a thing about pooping out of my house.

2. You are starving. You have not had anything to eat for days. In front of you is poison ivy, a live hissing cockroach, and a rotten stinky piece of some sort of mystery meat to eat. Which would you pick and why?

I would continue to starve. If you follow my blogs you will know I don't like eating green things, so the poison ivy and rotten, stinky mystery meat is out. As for the hissing cockroach, if my food talks back to me, then it will not become "my food".

3. Bottled or Tap water?

I dislike water. If I have to drink it it usually is tap water. Unless it is flavored bottled water. But only if it is cold. I can't drink water if it is room temperature.

4. Your dream job, what would it be and why?

Anything I can do from the comfort of my home would be good. Writing would be good. I use to write a lot when I was in school. But I never let anyone read what I wrote. I have a major fear of rejection.

5. Do you have any snow globes?

I have 3 or 4 Christmas snow globes. I seem to be starting a collection of them.

6. Do you like your bed? If not, what kind of bed do you want?

For the most part I do. We have a Sleep Number Bed with an adjustable base (like a hospital bed). Unfortunately at the moment we can't get our controller to work so can't adjust the firmness at all. The one thing I don't like is it is too small. We used to have a king size sleep number bed. But when Jaime was little she took to crawling in bed with us at night. It got to the point that we wouldn't even know it. We'd wake up and there she would be between us. So we decided to end that we would get a smaller bed. Now I want my bigger bed back. I am tired of getting an elbow in my face at night.

Remember to check back throughout the day to see who all has played and go and see how they answered these off the wall Thursday Thunk questions! Be nice... let them know you stopped by.

Go play! Now!

Thursday Thunks

This week we will answer some unusual questions, brought to you by Berleen, the color red and the number 1,908.

1. The election is over... what do you think?

I am not sure what I think. I just hope that there is follow through with what's been said.

2. Tell us about a snowman.

One winter at our old house John, Paige and Amelia made a snow family. Jaime was still a baby so there was even a little snowbaby which was the cutest thing. I never got to take pictures of it because within hours someone smashed them all.

3. What brand of ketchup do you buy?

It has to be Heinz.

4. Do you use a cookbook?

Depends on what I am making. My mom made my sister and I each a cookbook with all our favorite recipes in it when we moved out. I use that one more then anything.

5. Do you blow-dry your hair or let it air dry?

Air dry. If I blow dry it it gets even poofier then normal.

6. When was the last time you were sick?

I had a horrendous sinus infection last winter/spring.

7. What is the strangest letter of the alphabet?

K-it just seems like a hard letter to me. All the rest seem softer.

8. Who was the last person you bought a present for? What was it? Will you buy me one?

My 6 year old niece Natalie last month. It was her birthday. I don't remember what we got her other then an ourfit. Oh it was a movie too. High School Musical. I will buy you one when you buy me one!

9. Why are we ending at 9 questions?

You are exercising your creative license.

Go Play! Now!